Not all family members are healthy to keep in your life after getting sober. In addition, not all friends, coworkers, associated, peers, colleagues, affiliates, or people you turn to for services are healthy to keep in your life after getting sober either. People may have enabled your addiction. During your course of treatment, people may have tried to encourage you to quit recovery, go back to drinking and using drugs, or find other ways to sabotage your progress. People may be full of negative energy, have toxic personalities and act aggressively toward you. Some people have trauma they have never worked through, mental illnesses they have never confronted, or varying addictions of their own for which they never sought help. People can be abusive mentally, physically, emotionally, and verbally. After working hard for many months to create a lifestyle of sustainable recovery, you want to include people who contribute to that sustainability, not take away from it. Though “ghosting” is a popular trend today in which people completely disappear out of other people’s lives, there are healthy ways to remove unhealthy people.
Come to a place of acceptance regarding other people’s behavior
One of the biggest obstacles which gets in the way of removing unhealthy people from your life is thinking, hoping, and wishing, people will change You might even try to change them to no avail. Acceptance is not always easy when it comes to other people’s behavior, especially when that behavior has a negative effect on you. People can change, but will only change if they want to. Accept that and you are on your way to a healthier life.
Establish and enforce boundaries
There are some people you may not want to revoke entirely from your life but keep at a healthy distance. Boundaries are the way you draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not acceptable for you in your life from someone else in theirs. Boundaries can be rigid or flexible, communicated or not communicated. Boundaries also need consequences. You have to decide what is allowed and what is not, what you are willing to do about it, and how you are going to communicate it.
Take accountability where necessary
There are two sides to every story. Even though one person might be a toxic, unhealthy individual, some of your own behaviors might have contributed to the relationship. For example, you may never have set boundaries with them before and allowed their behavior to continue being directed at you.
Spend more time with others
Separating yourself from others you are used to spending time with can be a challenge because it leads to feelings of loneliness. Overcome those feelings of missing out by spending time with others. Recovery gives you endless opportunities to make new friends, go on group outings, and do more with your life than you’ve ever done before.
Don’t follow their social media accounts
Social media can make separating friends from your life more difficult. The solution is easy enough: don’t follow their social media accounts. Hide their notifications, remove them entirely, or block them if necessary.
Talk to them and let them know their relationship is no longer part of your life
Sometimes setting boundaries and taking steps to distance yourself from someone is not enough for them to “get the message”. Unfortunately, there may come a time when you need to have a direct conversation to tell them that the relationship no longer serves your life and you are stepping away from it. Avoid telling them what is “wrong with them” and being critical. Let them know what they have meant to your life, what you will remember, but why you need to distance yourself at this time. Wish them the best and move on with your recovery.
Tree House Recovery is a men’s addiction treatment facility offering long term partial care options. Our program combines the best of clinically proven therapy, intense fitness regiments, and the adventure of the great outdoors. Call us today for information: (855) 969-5181