What We Fear About Confiding

In Uncategorized by Tree House Recovery

The word confidence often brings about ideas of how we might feel about ourselves or about others. What is that we have when we have confidence? According to dictionary.com, confidence is about ourselves can be the “belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance”. We can be assured in ourselves, and believe in ourselves as well as believe in our powers and abilities. To have confidence can also mean to have “full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing”.

For men who have lived with addiction, there are a few standout issues with confidence. Firstly, addiction, especially for men, is weighed down with a  significant amount of shame and stigma which can be less than confidence boosting. Second, power is something men lose over their addiction and their ability to manage their lives. Trust is something men lose in themselves and others. Reliability on a person or a thing is something men also lose- they aren’t reliable, they don’t know how to rely on others, and the substances they once relied on eventually aren’t reliable anymore either. When men can’t rely on others, they are less likely to take an extremely important action which confidence stems from- confiding.

Confiding in another person takes confidence- confidence in ourselves and confidence in another. Men struggle with their confidence emotionally because being vulnerable is a risky place for men in recovery to be. Having confidence in the security of being able to be vulnerable is hard to come by and takes time, effort, as well as confidence.

As men, we receive all kinds of messages as to why we can’t confide in others and why we shouldn’t be confident in ourselves. At the bottom of these messages is one clear theme: fear. We deeply and intimately fear rejection as men- from family, friends, and potential romantic partners. Since we are largely taught by society that as men our feelings make us “weak” or “unwanted” we struggle to find the confidence in our emotions and in confiding in another person.

The more we practice we better we get. The more we step into vulnerability, the more comfortable we become there. For us as men in recovery, the stakes couldn’t be higher. Our sobriety depends on it and our lives depend on our sobriety.


Tree House Recovery of Orange County, California is a premier men’s addiction treatment facility that uses eight different modalities to help our men become the best versions of themselves they can be. We teach our men that every day of their journey is something to celebrate, and that recovery isn’t a sprint– it’s a marathon. By showing our men how to celebrate each day’s victories, we show them that self love isn’t about what we have or haven’t done. It’s about getting a little closer to where we want to be. To get started with Tree House Recovery, call us today at (503) 850-2474