I am hurting myself but I do not want others to know.
I can handle everything that comes my way.
I do not know if this is the right choice, but I am going to just do it anyway.
These are some of ego-centered thoughts that have hurt me my entire life. These thoughts led me to see and feel things no one deserves to see and feel. I thought that I knew everything and that great things were just going to fall in my lap. Deep down I wanted to ask for help, but I never could. Until I was beat down, bruised, homeless, with no one to call besides my mother – who would only answer if I was willing to ask for help. I finally asked for help. There was immense relief from doing so and surrendering to others for guidance.
There was a movie I recently watched about a man who goes hiking by himself without telling a single soul – this is that ego I spoke about. Well, the guy ends up having to cut his own arm off after a boulder traps him for 5 days in the middle of the desert. While trapped, he had a video camera and began recording himself saying goodbye to his family. He talks about how he is mad at himself for not telling his mother or friends where he was going. Towards the end he is hiking out of the canyon that he was trapped in after having to remove his arm and he finally screams out for help once he sees a family in front of him. All of this is based on actual events, by the way.
This rang so true for me and I relate my current and past life to this movie. So many bad times could have been prevented by asking for help. I am grateful for these times when I look back, just like the man in the movie was grateful for that rock. Why? Because it opened our eyes and we both learned from these difficult times. Personally, I would not change a thing. This helped with my positive perception on the world, allowed me to be grateful for things, stay present, and make better decisions.
These days I ask for help as much as I can. I am human, so of course I make mistakes. I realized I am just a man and I can’t do everything alone. If you can take anything from this post, it should be to save yourself from pain and simply ask for help. Ask what to do next. Ask if you do not know the answer. Ask and you will learn and receive the answers you need.
Tree House Recovery is a men’s treatment program located in Portland, Oregon. Creating sustainable recovery through sustainable change, our programs help men learn how to live sober with adventurous lives. Call us today for information: (503) 850-2474
